Okay, so after not getting enough sleep last night and waking up early for work this morning, I felt the need for a nap. What I didn’t realize was that I would be embarking on an epic YouTube adventure that would turn into an unfinished story combining the mood of The Twilight Zone with the mood of The Fifth Element, the terror of a good horror movie and the concept of The Matrix. In short, I had an epic dream. It was one of those dreams where I woke up and I could still feel it. It felt as if I’d just been exerting the effort that I had been in the dream.
I’ll begin describing it at the first point I can remember. There was more before this point, but it’s all too muddy to describe at this point. I know I was down in Portland, and returned to Tacoma, but that’s about all I can precisely recall. It’s fading as I write, so I’d better hurry.
In my dream, I was attending another Northwest YouTube gathering. I get a little fuzzy on who does what, but I know my dream attendees included most of the people who attended the gathering in Wilsonville, with the addition of much of my Stickam crew, VlogTaggers, some college friends and a few completely fictional YouTubers my brain made up…including a guy who always made me think of a wild animal or a mass murderer when I looked at him. He just seemed a bit sketchy and more than a bit twitchy, like he was going to snap and kill us all any second.
Anyway, so we were standing on the corner of the block my bank is on downtown, except that the weird Clock Tower Square building was right next to it (it’s nowhere near it in reality, of course). That was, apparently, the meeting point for that portion of the gathering. There was chatting and such, and I made a comment calling attention to the fact that I haven’t finished editing the footage from the last gathering yet.
Wondering where Kristina and Matt and the others were, Kayley and Liz decided to investigate. After they were gone for a while, those of us left behind began to wonder if the other people were having the gathering without us. At some point earlier in the dream (unless it was one of those random dream memory inserts to make things make sense), Mary Kate gave me the phone numbers of various attendees…so at this point I called Kayley to see what the hangup was. She didn’t answer at first, and I can’t remember if she answered the second time…but whatever happened, the result was that we were on the move again. And soon I found myself feeling very out of place inside some twisted combination of a Hilton Hotel, Bullwinkle’s Family Fun Center and assorted Tacoma locales.
There were hijinks. Mad hijinks. That’s all I can remember of this bit. It’s very fuzzy. I recall going off to take a nap (a nap within a dream had while taking a nap? MADNESS). When I came to, I realized I had missed most of the gathering with my stupid nap. Everyone was winding down to their last activities before leaving. Needless to say, I was sad and disappointed with myself for taking a nap at the worst possible time.
As it turns out, however, the gathering wasn’t ending. It was moving. Apparently, part of the plan was to start in Portland (in the earliest part of the dream, that I can’t remember), then switch to Tacoma, then head back to Portland again. So the next thing I know, we’re all on a rather spendy-looking train down to Portland and I’m thinking – with worry – about how much money I’m spending, and how I’ll have to spend more to get back home.
Now, at some point on the train, it became necessary for everyone to change into formal wear. I don’t know why. But suddenly it looked like a frickin’ prom, with all the guys in tuxedos and the girls in fancy dresses.
Upon arrival in Portland, we returned to the Hilton Hotel, whose appearance wasn’t exactly like the Hilton Hotel that I’ve actually seen. Instead, it was remarkably identical to the nonexistent Hilton Hotel my dream inserted into downtown Tacoma.
There were more hijinks, both inside and outside of the Hilton. In formal attire, no less. I, of course, had my camera whipped out pretty much all the time. Portland, however, looked like a twisted hybrid of Portland, Tacoma and Seattle. And there was light rail EVERYWHERE. The MAX, the Link and the SLUT were all crisscrossing each other…in my dream, there were more light rail tracks than roads in some places, and they intersected at odd angles.
Now, I’m not sure at all why, but Alissa decided she needed to joke around with the moving trains, and a few other people joined her. One girl (I can’t remember which) decided to lay across the tracks until the train hit her. Cade and I managed to pull her off the tracks, but then I had to pull Cade out of the way of another oncoming train that he didn’t see. It was crazy. Like I said, light rail trains were everywhere. We were dodging them left and right in the spot where Alissa and the others decided to play chicken with them.
The rest gets rather blurry again, but it’s night by the next point I can remember, and we’re back in the Hilton. I wander around, and I’m more and more confirming my feeling that people have been getting kind of bad-moody as the gathering progresses. And some people are very obviously keeping secrets.
I found out some of the secrets, but the big thing was eluding me…there was a serious problem. A problem big enough that the Hilton was getting pissed at us all. Kristina was getting particularly anxious, and was telling people the gathering was over and we had to go. Unfortunately, security was rounding us up one by one, and pinning those of us trying to make an exit into a corner. We were all gathered into one spot, and I still had no idea what was going on.
That’s when they started handing us uniforms. Something had happened, and we were all lined up…and at this point, somehow, I instinctively knew what was going on. Martial Law had been declared, and some of us were drafted. We where handed uniforms, which we changed into, and forced to subdue our friends. I tackled James, who proceeded to pull some kind of martial arts move on me meant to cripple me…but he realized before going fully through with it that I wasn’t resisting his defense, so he faked the attack and I faked falling down in pain.
Next, I tackled the crazy-looking guy. He’d been acting suspicious all night, and being one of the main contributors to the bad-moodiness. So I’m on his back, with my right arm locked around his neck, and he starts making this rabid animal noises. Now, I’ve been suspecting that he wasn’t human for a while. So I’m not at all surprised when he begins to transform into a werewolf. I am, however, very scared as I am clearly out of my weak little body’s league. So it’s about this point, when I’m riding a werewolf like a cowboy on a bronco, that I start to mentally shit my pants. I look around, and there are other monsters…about half of the YouTubers have been turned into vampires, and an epic battle is being waged all through the rooms and hallways of the Hilton. Vampires, werewolves, a few Harry Potter wizards, Hilton security, soldiers in generic army-green uniforms and all kinds of crazy things. Sword-wielding knights, too.
It’s at this point that Kristina starts yelling at everyone about how it doesn’t matter – that nothing matters – because nothing is real. Which, really, started to become obvious to all of us when reality began twisting on itself and being all “Vampires and werewolves and draft, oh my!” But soon, we start becoming aware of what, exactly it is.
The Earth, as it turns out, was destroyed long ago. We don’t exist. We’re figments of some girl’s fancy.
The whole universe, at this point, seems to direct its attention at one spot, one woman standing inside the hotel. It’s not just that our attention is focused on her…it’s like the whole universe is bending toward her. Suddenly, I can see reality as it really is…drawings akin to comic book panels, and written notes, all on a desk. This woman, who wore a black dress that seemed to have all the stars in the universe moving around inside of it, was somehow in her own made-up world. She could transfer back and forth between the real world – whatever and wherever that was – and this fictional dream of a destroyed world.
Revealed, the woman turned – with a very malevolent smile on her face – to confront us. I could feel sheer terror, the terror of knowing we were about to fight someone who could make us all cease to exist with a thought. Tension mounted…the fight was about to begin…
…aand that’s when I woke up.