Pimping the penis
I joined YouTube on June 22, 2006, after reading an article in The Oregonian about YouTube star Brooke Brodack, a.k.a. Brookers, getting a job through Carson Daly noticing her videos.
Now, I’ve no love for Carson Daly. I think he’s kind of a putz. Not him personally, mind you, just everything he represents. I don’t think I need to tell you, after that statement, that I was never a fan of Total Request Live. Or, for that matter, the gradual stripping away of music videos from Music TeleVision.
However, I’m trying to build up a career in film, and I’m honestly not too hot on the idea of settling for a respected but little-known indie filmmaker. I have stories to tell, stories that it would ge nice to tell with a larger budget and – most importantly – to the widest possible audience. It may seem conceited, but I don’t want my stories to go unheard. That would defeat the point of telling them.
So I checked out YouTube, signed up for an account and uploaded a couple of videos. I’d already made the videos for other purposes. One was a music video for Sad Music For Happy Humans. The other was a video story I did for my college broadcast journalism class, about a now-defunct band known as Electric Melanoma.
In the fall of 2007, I started actively vlogging. Granted, many of my videos come out late, but I work damn hard on them. I produce videos that I know people enjoy, and I’m working on producing more of such videos – on a more frequent basis and with a quicker turnaround between filming and uploading.
Today I discovered a YouTuber by the username of imzUnicorn. She’s an attractive-looking 19-year-old named Nicole. She joined YouTube on January 9, 2009.
At the time of this writing, she has 346 subscribers. Not many in comparison to some, true.
However, I only have 207 subscribers.
Now, I’ll grant that imzUnicorn is a good vlogger, from what I’ve seen. She doesn’t do that painful thing that bad vloggers do, droning on for ten minutes with lots of “ums” and silent gaps where they don’t know what to talk about. So I’ll say right now that imzUnicorn deserves subscribers.
However, the fact that she gained subscribers so quickly…I’ll confess, it irks me. It irks me because I see it happen all the time. The female side of the population has it pretty damn good on YouTube. It’s been well-proven that all a pretty girl has to do is stare at the camera and say nothing, and she’ll get loads of views and subscribers.
I decided to share my thoughts – condensed into 140 characters – on Twitter:
Sometimes I hate pretty girls, and their ability to get more subscribers than me on YouTube in far, far less time.
That probably would have been it for that thought. I probably would have forgotten about it within ten minutes. However, my tweet enticed an immediate reply on Facebook.
MOLLY:
hahahahaha that’s right, beeotch.
The TokBox was just discussing this: It’s all about boobs. That’s why girl vloggers frame below their shoulders more often.
Watching a vlog is one of the only times when it’s acceptable to listen to a smart girl talk to you AND stare at her boobs. It’s proven fact.
ME:
Curse you and all your boobilicious brethren! Wait, you’re females…that doesn’t work…curse you again!
The least you crazy mutants could do is pimp the penis once and a while. Y chromosomes have rights, too!
*cries*
*emo tear*
*death*
But seriously, I’m really rather irked that I just found someone who joined in January and has about 150 more subs than me and growing.
I’m more irked that I want to subscribe. 😀
CHRIS:
The word you’re looking for is “Sistren”, I think.
ME:
Yeah, I know, but “sistren” doesn’t work with “boobilicious” – no alliteration. 😀
And actually, that entire comment was an excuse to say “pimp the penis”. Which IS alliterative. And hilarious.
JOE:
How about “cabal of cleavage”? ^_^
KRISTINA:
I DONT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE BOOB SITUATION. Pffft.
ME:
Oooh, nice one, Joe. “Cabal of cleavage” is right up there with “pimp the penis”. I’ll have to title a video “Cabal of Cleavage” one of the days this month.
Kristina: LIES! YOU SHOW YOUR BEWBZ TO THE RUBES ON TEH TUBES ALL THE LIVE LONG DAYZ! ARRRR!
…I have no idea what that was. I’m going to say I was possessed.
In other news, I would like to thank everyone in this comment thread for helping me decide to name today’s VEDA vlog “Pimping the Penis”.
And that was how I decided on the topic for today’s vlog. I’d been thinking, anyway, about promoting my friend Switch’s podcast, The Dangerous Kids’ Podcast. It’s one of my favorite podcasts, and I honestly think he could use more listeners – whatever few I can send him with my relatively few YouTube subscribers.
The Dangerous Kids’ Podcast is a great podcast, even if you’re not all that into gaming. The hosts are hilarious, their voices have a good radio quality, the things they talk about are informative, and the format is getting better all the time. They started with something that was already good, and they’re just improving on that with every show.
Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have. Part Two of my “Time-Lapse of a Chalk Artist” segment will have to wait until another time. It was just more important to pimp the penis.
Writer. Actor. Director. Chalk artist. YouTuber. Nerdfighter. Traveler. Pansexual. Genderfluid. Millennial. Socialist. Living a complex life beyond those words.
