Spending time with my dear friend Jeff and his daughter Lily, who completely stole the show…pretty literally. She decided she needed to be the focus of pretty much every shot. But she’s adorable and she calls me “Uncle Adam”, so I’m totally fine with it. 😀
My theme song is “Pluto Vs. Neptune” by Driftless Pony Club. You can buy their albums from DFTBA Records.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
LILY: Waaaaahahaha!! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
JEFF: Hello out there in TV land!
ADAM:Â TV? Who owns TVs anymore?
JEFF:Â There’s one right there.
ADAM:Â Oh. Well, I stand corrected.
JEFF:Â No you don’t. You’re sitting.
LILY:Â Yeaaah!
[ADAM EMULATES TROMBONE FAIL SOUND]
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
ADAM: The video’s getting closer!
ADAM: RAAAAAAAHHHH…BONK! Aw, it can’t get in. [IN A BAD BRITISH ACCENT] What if it huffs and it puffs and it blows down your house?
LILY: No! My house is made out of a box!
ADAM:Â Hi, Lily. How are you?
LILY:Â Great!
ADAM: Show me–
LILY: WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHKKK!
[LILY GIGGLES, ADAM LAUGHS]
ADAM: That was her attempt to do the “live long and prosper” sign. Apparently it comes with sound effects.-
LILY: WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHKKK!
LILY: Old McLily had a farm, ee-yi-ee-yi-ohhh! And on that farm she had a igloo…
ADAM: An igloo? Ee-yi-ee-yi-D’OH!
[LILY LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
ADAM: An igloo? What sound does an igloo make? With a…brrr brrr here and a brrr brr there? Here a brrr, there a brrr, everywhere a BRRRRRRRRRRR!
[LILY LAUGHS HEARTILY]
LILY:Â Yeah, that’s how Daffy Duck sings it.
ADAM:Â Daffy Duck is a weird duck, isn’t he?
LILY: Yeah, he’s funny! Haha! And he’s weird! [BEGINS MAKING WEIRD NOISES] [GIGGLES]
ADAM: You know who else is weird?
LILY: Who?
ADAM:Â All of us.
[LILY RESUMES MAKING WEIRD NOISES]Â [LAUGHS]
[MORE WEIRD LILY NOISES]
ADAM: Why isn’t Jeff in this shot? Why isn’t your dad in this shot? You should tell him he should be in the shot.
LILY:Â Uh, Daddy? Come in the shot.
JEFF: [WEARING A PIRATE HAT] ARRRRRR!
[ADAM AND LILY SCREAM]
[LAUGHTER]
LILY: I don’t like that on, Daddy.
[LILY LAUGHS AND MAKES WEIRD NOISES]
[EVERYONE LAUGHS]
LILY:Â Um, is…um, the camera is too…too close.
ADAM: The camera’s too close?
[ADAM BRINGS THE CAMERA CLOSER]
[ADAM AND JEFF] AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
[LILY LAUGHS]
ADAM: I flipped to the back of this wonderful “Romeo and/or Juliet” choose-your-own-adventure sort of book. And what it says in the back is, “Hah! Whoever told you that you could flip to the last page of a book to see how its story ends CLEARLY never reckoned with the powers of our nonlinear interactive fiction!! Nice try!” Right? Nice try.
[LILY LAUGHS]Â [LILY MAKES WEIRD NOISES]
ADAM: “However, if you were glancing back here to see how many pages this book was before you buy it, then let there be no doubt! You are getting over 399 pages of QUALITY book with the purchase of this book! That is a terrific page-per-dollar ratio, and definitely worth the cover price. You should ABSOLUTELY buy the book right away.” Don’t you agree?
LILY: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
JEFF:Â Section number three ALSO doesn’t connect to anything.
[LILY MAKES WEIRD NOISES WHILE JEFF TALKS]
JEFF: It says something like, “The only way you could have gotten here is by reading straight…
[LILY’S NOISES CONTINUE]
JEFF: …and you clearly don’t know how to use a choose-your-own-path book.”
ADAM: No one but Lily is allowed to be on camera right now, apparently.
[LILY LAUGHING]
[FOREHEAD CLUNKING AGAINST CAMERA]
LILY: Oeehh…
ADAM: Woah, careful!
[LILY LAUGHS EVEN HARDER]
[MORE LAUGHTER]
[LILY FALLS OFF THE COUCH WITH A THUD!]
ADAM: Woah! Are you okay? Yeah, you’re okay.
[LILY MAKES WEIRD NOISES]
[ADAM IMITATES LILY’S NOISES] [ADAM’S GLASSES FALL OFF]
LILY: Oh, your glasses!
ADAM: My glasses, yeah. They-they-they fell off. They fell off. Can you put them back on?
[LILY TRIES]
LILY: No, it’s too hard.
ADAM: Yeah, it’s too hard.
JEFF: You want me to keep reading?
ADAM: Sure!
JEFF: Okay. “So, intelligent and well-informed reader of interactive fiction, what would you like to do now? Get the book spoiled for you right off the bat, play without spoilers, or learn more about the author?”
ADAM: Learn more about the author.
JEFF: “Turn to page 22.” [JEFF DOES SO] “Ryan submitted a bio to go along with this book, so you’re in luck! Ryan North is a New York Times bestselling author, writer, and cartoonist. He’s written comics like ‘Dinosaur Comics’, ‘The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl’, ‘Adventure Time’, and ‘The Midas Flesh’, which is a story about a man where everything he touches turns to gold, but then he accidentally kills the entire planet before he suffocates because the air touching his lungs turns to gold, too. And that’s just in the first issue!”
LILY:Â Knock! Knock knock!
ADAM: Who’s there?
LILY:Â Uhhh, Boo!
ADAM: Boo who?
[LILY DISPLAYS “BOO” FROM MONSTERS INC.]
[MANIACAL LILY LAUGHTER]
ADAM: So we’ve got this knock-knock joke book here, and, uh, here’s…here’s the greatest one I’ve found in it so far. Knock knock!
LILY: Who…who’s there?
ADAM:Â Eyes.
LILY: Eyes who?
ADAM: “Eyes” got another knock-knock joke!
ADAM:Â Knock knock!
LILY: Who’s there?
ADAM:Â Nose!
LILY:Â Nose who?
ADAM:Â I “nose” another knock-knock joke.
ADAM: Knock knock.
LILY: Who’s there?!
ADAM: Ears!
LILY: Ears who?
ADAM:Â “Ears” another knock-knock joke!
[ADORABLE GIGGLE FROM LILY]
ADAM:Â Knock knock.
LILY: Who’s there?
ADAM:Â Chin!
LILY: Chin who?
ADAM:Â Chin up! I’m not gonna tell any more knock-knock jokes.
LILY:Â Oh, that’s funny!
LILY:Â Knock, knock knock!
ADAM: Who’s there?
LILY:Â Banana.
ADAM: Banana who?
LILY:Â Banana orange [INAUDIBLE, DESCENDS INTO LAUGHTER]!!!
[LILY MAKING WEIRD NOISES]
JEFF: And on the count of three! One! Twooooooo! THREE! [BEGINS TICKLING ADAM AND LILY]
[ADAM AND LILY LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY]
[LAUGHTER AS JEFF TICKLES LILY]
[LILY TICKLES JEFF]
LILY: Tickle, tickle!
[JEFF LAUGHS]-
[WILD LAUGHTER]
LILY: Tickle, tickle, tickle!
[JEFF LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER FADING TO A NATURAL END.]
LILY:Â Knock, knock!
ADAM: Who’s there?
LILY:Â Pikach!
ADAM: Pikach who?
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
ADAM: I just found a great joke in the joke book. A fitting joke. A joke that Jeff, especially, will appreciate. Knock, knock.
JEFF: Uh, who’s there?
ADAM:Â Fedora.
JEFF:Â [LAUGHING HARD]Â Fedora who?
ADAM:Â Fedora closed, does that mean Ican’t come in?
[LILY LAUGHING]
JEFF: [THROUGH LAUGHTER] Oh my gosh!
ADAM: It’s bad. It’s bad. But you see–you see why I couldn’t even talk afterward.
LILY: [BURSTING OUT OF A BOX]Â KABOOM!
ADAM: AAAAAAAAHHHH!
[BOTH LAUGH]
JEFF: All right, kids, dinnertime!
[ADAM LAUGHS]
[LILY MAKES WEIRD NOISES]
[“FARE THEE WELL” TITLE CARD PLAYS OVER MONOTONE SOUND]
[OUTRO CARD WITH LINKS DISPLAYS]
LILY: Try to take a picture of Pichu!
ADAM: Yeah! I can do that. All right. Hang on; let me focus.
Writer. Actor. Director. Chalk artist. YouTuber. Nerdfighter. Traveler. Pansexual. Genderfluid. Millennial. Socialist. Living a complex life beyond those words.