Hello, Earthlings! You’re watching Adam the Alien.
Today is day two of Vlog Every Day April, and I think I need to apologize for yesterday’s, uh, April Fool’s joke.
Because I got a lot of concerned messages, in addition to concerned comments, but also a lot of concerned messages, uh, from friends. I think–I think the video had been up for, like, five minutes before my friend Jonathan messaged me and was like, “You jerk! Don’t ever do that again!”
Um, so…I don’t–I don’t pull pranks like that very often, and I didn’t think I was as convincing as I apparently was. Um, in fact, one of the reasons that was up so late is because I…having had that idea, I needed to wait until I could do it with a straight face. Because I-I kept thinking it through and just kind of cracking up to myself. Which…I mean, when you’re cracking up to your own joke it’s probably an indication that it’s NOT that funny? But, y’know…oh well.
The deed is done!
One thing that-that one commenter did actually, uh, get right is that a lot of the things that I mentioned in it, uh, were true. Uh, they weren’t going to stop me from making videos, but, uh, it’s true that I have an endless backlog of video. It’s true that I had the night before been looking at an old, uh, video from last April that was originally going to be the finale and thinking, “Oh, I should get this up right now!”
Uh, it is true that I have a lot of half-edited videos. It is true that I had a medical emergency a few months ago. Hey, there’s Buster in the background! Helloooo!
So there was a lot of truth in it, but what was absolutely not true is that there was ever any risk of me stopping. While it is true that in points of high depression or anxiety, I start doubting myself and doubting my passion for this, those are the parts of me that are lying to myself. Those…those are the parts of me that are wanting me to give up on everything, including life. And…I’m not going to give into that. I’m not going to-to listen to that.
And, uh, I love Vlog Every Day April in part because it inspires me to get over my-my perfectionism, and-and, um, and my need to…for everything to be just right, just perfect, because I just have to get it done.
Uh…and it, and it-it’s a challenge! It’s a challenge to meet a schedule. And that is a good thing. And I hoped last year would really be the challenge to get my butt into gear, but, uh, then I kind of fell into a lot of the same traps. And life…intervened in-in certain ways.
One thing that really does make it difficult to-to DO this is that I want to share openly and honestly, and discuss things openly and honestly. But sometimes there are things in my life that I can’t, for one reason or another, talk about.
And I just realized I’m looking at the wrong side of the camera. Which is a phone, not a cam…I mean it IS a camera [INCOHERENT NOISES OF AN INCOHERENT THOUGHT]!
I should be looking over HERE, but I’ve been looking over here. It’s over here! Here!
It’s really weird to know where to look when you’re filming on a phone! I’m so used to CAMERA cameras. But, uh, my partner recently got me this phone, and that’s been great!
I sidetracked myself, there! Anyway, a lot of times there are things in life that I-I can’t talk about. Uh, the last few weeks HAVE been very, very stressful for me. Um, but in ways that I’m not sure how to talk about publicly or if I CAN talk about publicly. And there are often other things where-where if I bring something up, it-it could cause more problems for my life. And-and I hope to eventually get to a point in my life where that is no longer the case or risk. But for many, many years, there’s been one thing or another that just, kind of…I can’t talk about it, and it makes it more difficult to look into the lens and talk honestly about my thoughts and feelings about anything. Even superficial things. So…that’s something I’m working on.
So while there are always stresses, because there are always stresses in life…there’s always something in life that’s going to be stressful. There’s always some aspect of even very, very good things which is going to seem…unpleasant. And that’s just part of life. That’s no reason to stop doing this. So don’t worry. I’m not going to stop anytime soon. The worst that would ever happen is that I would change what I’m doing exactly, or change HOW I’m doing it. I might start fresh, but I’d never delete the old stuff. I’m never going to stop creating, because creating is-is what drives me. It’s what makes me think, “Yes! Life is worth living. ”
Creating things, and telling stories, and sharing, and trying to connect with people…these are what make me think getting out of bed in morning is even worth doing.
So I really wanna thank everyone who was concerned, and told me to not stop. I wanna thank you. I just…I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support. And I am so, so sorry for scaring anyone that I scared, especially those who of you who are very aware of my past and my struggles with depression and suicidal ideation and urges.
So…thank you. I’m sorry. I will try not to be so convincing in-in any prank I pull again. Though I’m not much of a prankster to begin with, so…probably not going to try something like that again. If I do, I will try to be a little less…uh, compelling?
Uh, and, uh…that was a lesson to me. Apparently I am, uh, more compelling at, uh, slight trolling than-than I ever thought I could be.
Until next time, I’m Adam the Alien, and I will see you tomorrow! Fare thee well.
Now for a little end screen dance. This is the part where you should, like, click on links that are either around the screen or in the video description, and I’m just gonna…do a little…do a little dance. This is a terrible dance. I can’t really dance once-handed, because I can’t shblublubublum. Just rambling, now, what am I doing? Byeee!