Chronicling my slow descent into madness and sorrow on a very unusual election night. Most of the footage used here is from Snapchats and Instagram videos I posted throughout the night.
It’s election day! Hello Earthlings, I’m Adam the Alien and I just voted!
Dropping off my ballot!
I’m about to go start checking what the–the results are, now that some of the polling places are closed.
[ADAM, SINGING] This is a depressing-looking map…
[ADAM] Apparently bukkake is a Jesuit sexual fetish. Not for anyone else. Just Jesuits.
[MUMUR OF TELEVISION TALKING ABOUT JESUIT MEN]
We will just have to wait a LITTLE bit longer than expected to find out if America prefers a competent, sane woman or a misogynist troll doll.
[ADAM] That is…f***ed up.
[TV] Trevor, I just feel confused and sad and angry. Tonight it feels like my country is being taken away from me. I look around, and I see all these people who are so different from me.
The daily Show just said that tonight looks like a funeral for America. And yeah, it does! It feels like that.
Experiencing…the kindest way to say it would be nostalgia. For an America that is gone, and that will not come back.
Heh. This is the kind of night this is. Drink up, everyone, drink up.
I’m gonna need a lot more wine to survive this night. Yup.
What the f*** is happening right now? It feels like the world is going crazyyyyAAAHHH!
[TV] Every four years, the alternative Pennsylvania comes out and votes Democratic.
[PEOPLE IN ROOM] There’s still time!
I’m hearing the word somber a lot tonight. And i agree.
[TV IN BACKGROUND] They are in tears! A lot of red faces…
[ADAM, VOICE-OVER] The room around me is loud and angry.
And i have wine in me. And it is not enough.
There will be more wine.
[ADAM] So, as…as of last checking, uh, things are looking…grim. Everyone is somber. Ahh, I found more wine. Um, I’m-I’m hearing reports that we’ve crashed the Canadian immigration website. So that’s…that’s interesting. Ahh, I’m hearing people shout numbers at me, including the, um, terrible fate of the Dow Jones. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY Aaaand yeah, this is, uh, this is an intense night. It’s a…very tense election night. We will see what happens. And in the meantime, once again: drink up, my friends. Drink up! We need it.
What? What the f*** is happening? What…what the…? I d–…
[TV] Hispanics, blacks….
[FRIEND] The first dude she walked up to.
[ADAM] What the f*** is happening?What is happening?
Ohhhh my God, what is happening? What the f*** is happening?
[TV DRONES ON]
[OMINOUS DRUMMING GROWS LOUDER]
[PODESTA] We can wait a little longer, can’t we?
[FRIEND] Clinton 47.7!
[PODESTA] They’re counting votes, and every vote will count.
And your enthusiasm means so much to her and to [?], and to all of us!
Okay, so no new news out of Clinton camp until the morning.
The f*** is this night?
F***! F***! F***! F***! They got the Senate! They got the f***ing Senate! What the f***. The Senate, the House, maybe the presidency.
According to Google, Donald Trump just won the f***ing presidency. WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON? Seriously, just…WHAT THE F***?!
What the f*** just happened?
[FRIEND] Donald Trump just became President of the united States.
[DISGUSTED MOAN OF ANGUISH]
Our next President is an Internet troll.
[SOFT, MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]
Our campaign was never about one person, or even one election. It was about the country we love.
[CLINTON] …as deeply as I ever have, that if we stand together and work together, with respect for our differences, the strength in–
[TV] I think she was very gracious and magnanimous. I think she showed extreme–
Errrrrrgh, well! Okay, so it is a–actually, a strangely beautiful day today, which is nice. I woke up this morning to the sound of sirens and the sight of fog, which is, you know…strangely fitting after last night.
So. I still haven’t…i can’t…process everything. I just…I just want to say I know…to Trump supporters, people who voted for him: I don’t hate you. i don’t want to cut you out of my life. But I need you to understand that i am scared. i am scared for my life. I am scared for the lives of people i love. I’m scared for the lives of strangers. I’m terrified right now. I’m just afraid. And I hope…I hope i’m wrong. I hope everything is fine, but…it’s a sunny day. Life goes on. We’ll see what happens.
Fare thee well.